


Don't Freak Out (Don't Stop Now)

by Cosmosis12



Series: ain't never felt this way [2]
Category: ITZY (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Idols, F/F, JYP - Freeform, K-Pop - Freeform, University, idolAU, idolxcollegestudentau, itzy - Freeform, ryeji - Freeform, universitystudent, yejixryujin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22095958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmosis12/pseuds/Cosmosis12
Summary: Ryujin goes to see Yeji after a snowstorm. (idolxcollegestudentau)
Relationships: Hwang Yeji/Shin Ryujin
Series: ain't never felt this way [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580932
Comments: 7
Kudos: 107





	1. trace the corners of your pretty face.

[Twenty Something - Nightly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMOnGLUZZ4g)

_________________________________________

Ryujin shivers at the snowstorm outside, rubbing her hands together a few times as she shuts herself into the driver’s seat of her car. She quickly starts the engine, giving it some time to defrost and properly heat up, before she starts backing out of her parking spot.

**(The night before)**

_“Hello?”_ Yeji's voice, thick with sleep, filters through the other end of the line.

Ryujin smiles, although the other girl can’t see it. “Hi.”

_“Ryujin?”_

“What’s up?” She poses a light question, setting her phone on speaker and starts to rake a comb through her damp strands.

A soft chuckle. _“You remembered.”_

“To call you? Of course.” A good-natured smile adorns her features as she sets the comb down and moves to squirt some lotion in her palm.

_“How did it go?”_

Ryujin pauses a bit to weigh her words before she answers. “I think it was alright. My interview was longer than everyone else’s, although I’m honestly not sure what that means.”

Yeji’s response is wholehearted and sure. _“I’m sure you did fine. They definitely loved you.”_

It’s quite evident that Yeji’s exhausted. The thought of the singer staying up for her call makes something in her flutter. It’s an odd feeling; she pushes it back down. “I hope so. Well, you should get to sleep soon, okay?”

A whine immediately comes through the other end. _“Noo! I haven’t seen you all week- you’re just going to hang up on me like this?!”_

All semblance of cool charm is out the window with one statement and Ryujin laughs, although Yeji’s right; they’ve been busy, things have been hectic, and making time to even see glimpses of each other has become harder and harder. She eyes the nighttime sky outside her window and sees tree branches whipping to the side, white specks flying past. All her classes had been canceled because of the impending snowstorm. She’s glad for the unexpected break- she desperately needs the time to catch up on rest.

“Yeji, you sound exhausted.” She says bluntly to the girl on the other end as she pats moisturizer onto her tired skin. Yeji groans, eliciting a small laugh from Ryujin.

_“It’s not that bad. You’ve been busy too, haven’t you?”_ Her voice grows softer, fonder, and there’s this weird part of Ryujin that wishes she could see her right now.

“I’ll be alright after a good night's sleep. All my classes for tomorrow are canceled because of the weather, so I can sleep in.”

_“That’s good.”_ Ryujin can hear the lightness in Yeji’s friendly voice, although there’s something else mixed in there that she can’t quite place. _“I won’t be busy tomorrow either, seeing as they’ve lined up my agenda nonstop for the past four weeks.”_

Ryujin chuckles at the older girl’s salty tone. “Want me to come over?”

_“Now??”_

“No way.” She glances at the raging snow outside her window. “Tomorrow, if the weather gets any better.”

_“Of course!”_ Comes the automatic response. _“But only if the roads are safe, okay? I don’t want you getting into any accidents.”_

Ryujin just hums. “Yeah, I know. Get some sleep, Yej.”

A soft, sleepy laugh. _“Sleep tight and don’t worry about the interview- I’m sure you nailed it.”_ Affection filters through the phone line and Ryujin feels her heart swell just a little larger.

**(Present).**

Thankfully, it had stopped snowing just in the earliest hours of dawn. Ryujin had set an alarm so she’d be able to check out the weather, and she does this now; it’s not exactly ideal, but it’s been driveable enough and there were already plows on the roads to clear up last night’s flurries.

She’s pretty much the only one out on the roads in these conditions- everyone else seems like they’d decided to take it easy and sleep in. Ryujin makes her way slowly but surely to Yeji’s living complex and parks in the sheltered area. The elevator ride up to the singer’s penthouse is quiet, and she only sees one other young gentleman in the elevator whom she thinks she recognizes from one of the more popular music shows. He smiles at her and says a quiet good morning, before getting off two floors below Yeji’s lofty view.

Upon exiting the elevator, she knocks a couple of times on the polished mahogany door only to be greeted with silence. Amusedly, she knocks again- this time she hears footsteps plodding over to the door before it’s abruptly yanked open.

“Hello- oh.”

Ryujin holds back a laugh but doesn’t say anything. Yeji’s wearing nothing but dark grey sweats, a black sports bra, and a pair of wire-rimmed glasses- obviously fresh out of bed. Ryujin would be much more… flustered, at the girl’s exposed midriff and sleep-mussed appearance if not for the mortified look of shock slowly dawning on Yeji’s face.

_“Eek!”_

Before Ryujin can even say ‘hi’, the door is slammed in her face and she’s left facing dark mahogany wood, listening to the sound of scuffling on the other side. She blinks, mystified, but she can’t even properly react before the door is yanked open again and a shirted, thoroughly embarrassed Yeji stands before her.

“Hi.” The girl mumbles, looking down at her slippers.

Ryujin just looks at her, holding in her snickers, mirth evident in her eyes. “Hi.”

Yeji stands there a little longer staring at Ryujin before she remembers that it’s quite cold outside today, even in the complex’s corridors, and she hastily moves out of the doorframe to let Ryujin in. “Co- come in.”

Ryujin steps inside the day-lit room and looks around. She’s been here before, but not recently and always in the light of a sunny day. Today it’s grey outside and the clouds are covering the sun. The light reflects whitish off of the freshly fallen snow, casting through the large windows in Yeji’s living room. Yeji shuts the door behind her and just moves to stare at her in wonder.

Ryujin looks up from where she’s unlacing her snow boots, a smile quirking on her lips as she calmly assesses her friend. “Did you forget our conversation last night?”

The surprised look isn’t a bad one at all- it’s something closer to amazement than anything else. Ryujin straightens from taking her boots off to properly look at the girl.

Yeji looks like she can’t find the words to properly express herself. It’s another bout of her happy loss for words. “I- I didn’t think you would actually come.” She says almost surreally, like she can’t believe Ryujin is actually standing in front of her.

It’s quite warm in the apartment; warm enough for Yeji to be wearing a t-shirt, and Ryujin feels herself starting to heat up under all her layers so she starts to take her jacket off. Yeji is quick to take it off her hands and hang it in the coat closet.

Ryujin finally smiles properly at her. “Hey, you.” She consents simply, finally letting the affection slip into her tone as she leans in for a hug.

Yeji grins as she pulls her in. “I can’t believe you’re here. I slept in because I didn’t think the snow would let up anytime soon.”

“It’s fine.” Ryujin mumbles into Yeji’s shoulder. She lets herself be led to the large couch, where there are plenty of blankets and pillows and other warm, fluffy things laying around.

Yeji grabs a grey throw blanket from the arm of her couch to drape over Ryujin’s shoulder before she straightens up. “Have you eaten? It’s still pretty early.” She notes as she starts to head to the kitchen.

Ryujin turns and rests her chin on the back of the couch to watch the girl. “Are you making something?”

“Yeah, what do you want?” Yeji calls over her shoulder as she ties her long hair back.

Ryujin hums softly, relishing the feeling of the blanket Yeji had draped over her shoulders. “Anything you’ve got is fine with me.”

Yeji doesn’t respond, just smiles at her from the open-concept kitchen, and gets to work. Twenty minutes proves to be enough for the girl to make blueberry French toast and coffee (although Ryujin knows that Yeji’s always been more of a tea person). Yeji sets the plate before her carefully.

“Here.” She says, and they both kind of relax onto the couch, not bothering to move to the kitchen table. They eat in silence, until-

“I’m sorry for earlier.” Yeji mumbles around a mouthful of blueberry bread.

Ryujin pauses temporarily to look mutedly at her friend. “For what?”

The singer looks sheepish and quite a bit shy. “That you had to see that earlier…” She trails off hesitantly, looking up at Ryujin expectantly.

“Oh.” Ryujin gets a flash memory of the chiseled muscle on the other girl’s body. “Don’t worry about it.”

Yeji is still chewing. She doesn’t seem all too comforted by Ryujin’s assurance. “I’m really sorry. I’m not usually such a mess.” She says, obviously still a little flustered, and this time Ryujin decides it would be fine to laugh. It’s clear Yeji is far more used to presenting a more polished front; Ryujin has an inkling that she’s one of the few who have seen Yeji in such a state.

The sound causes Yeji to look up at her questioningly. Ryujin just returns the looks with a small, teasing smile. “Don’t worry. Not the worst thing to see first thing in the morning.”

Yeji gapes at her, frozen, as Ryujin just goes back to her blueberry toast.

_Oh_.

Yeji doesn’t seem to know what to say and it’s actually pretty funny. Ryujin chuckles breathily, almost inaudible, at her friend’s apparent malfunction.

“Don’t think too much about it.”

The blush seems like it’ll permanently etch on the singer’s fair complexion. “Um- I-“

“The toast is fantastic. What’d you put on it?” Ryujin takes mercy on the poor girl and smoothly cuts her off, segueing into a more linear, simplistic conversation.

Yeji looks slightly flustered, but she takes the bait and goes to answer anyway. “Ah, just some eggs and the brown powdery stuff Chaeryeong left here the other day. To be honest, I’m not much of a cook but this was surprisingly easy to make once I got started…”

Ryujin just continues eating, listening to Yeji ramble between bites of French toast and sips of coffee. She nods at the appropriate times and pretends to be as interested as one could be in the (admittedly simple) art of making French toast, wondering if it would ever be an appropriate time to inform Yeji that she’s rambling again, the way she only ever does when she’s more nervous than she should be.

Yeji’s stopped talking though, and she’s looking at Ryujin like she’s expecting her to respond. Ryujin swallows the food in her mouth and looks up. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

The look on Yeji's face tells her that Yeji knows she wasn’t listening the whole time, but surprisingly Yeji lets it go (uncharacteristic; the Yeji Ryujin is acquainted with would never let such treason slide). “I asked if you’ve ever tried Chaeryeong’s pumpkin spice lattes.”

Ryujin ‘ahs’ appropriately, nodding sagely as if she’d totally been paying attention to everything that’s been addressed in their conversation (weren’t they just talking about French toast? Well, pumpkin spice lattes aren’t too far off, Ryujin supposes). “I actually have. She made me one before my last midterm last week.”

Yeji tilts her head in a way that would normally seem harmless, or even cute to some, but it’s actually kind of unnerving to Ryujin because right now, she’s not smiling at all. “She did?”

Ryujin nods affirmatively. “Yeah. I took a picture to commemorate.”

Yeji appraises her with that same still look on her face. “You’re lucky. Chaeryeong doesn’t cook for just anyone, you know.”

“I wouldn’t really call that cooking.”

Yeji ignores this and plows forward. “You and Chaeryeong have gotten pretty close then.”

Ryujin suppresses a scoff at the mention of Yeji’s ridiculous groupmate and fellow idol. Yeji isn’t wrong; Ryujin and Chaeryeong have indeed gotten quite close over the last few months, even though they didn’t exactly get off to a great start. But now, Ryujin is aware that Yeji doesn’t actually know the nature of her interactions with Chaeryeong. Chaeryeong, despite her cold/chic exterior, is actually one of the most ridiculous people Ryujin has ever met (and Ryujin’s best friend is Yuna- imagine that). Most of their interactions consist of crude banter, bouncing poorly-formulated insults off of each other as Chaeryeong seeks solace in Ryujin’s apartment away from her managers and other prying eyes on campus. It’s certainly nothing to be jealous of- although, the dark look in Yeji’s eyes says otherwise.

Ryujin tries her best to play it cool. “Yeah, I guess so. I think she likes me,” she starts, then quickly adjusts upon seeing Yeji’s defined jaw tighten, “although I don’t think it’s the same kind of ‘like’ that you’ve got in your head over there.”

Yeji’s jaw doesn’t un-tense. Her next words sound almost forced. “You’re lucky, you know. Chaeryeong hates almost everyone.”

Ryujin chuckles dryly. “I’m aware.” She drawls, leaning back languidly into Yeji’s pile of pillows. Their plates sit on the coffee table a few feet away from them and she kind of wants to get up and ask for more food, but she doesn’t because she knows Yeji will just end up ordering a shitton of takeout, and Ryujin decides that that just isn’t necessary right now.

She does wish she could take a picture of Yeji’s expression right now. When the taller girl just sits there with that same look on her face and doesn’t say anything else, Ryujin finally sits up to appraise her in subdued curiosity and mild disbelief.

“Hwang Yeddong, are you jealous?”

Yeji’s sharp eyes snap back up to lock with hers. “What??”

“Are you jealous?” Ryujin repeats, a little louder and a little slower this time (she knows it’ll only piss her friend off- it should probably alarm her that the thought spurs her on even more, but she’s too preoccupied to think about being a good person right now). As expected, Yeji looks aggravated.

“Of what? You and Chaeryeong?”

“Yeah.” Ryujin bluntly confirms, turning her body so she’s sitting cross-legged and fully facing Yeji.

There’s a look in Yeji’s dark eyes that Ryujin can’t quite identify. “What if I am?”

That was more straightforward than Ryujin thought it would be. She silently admits that she’s impressed. “You have no reason to be jealous.”

Her words elicit a short bark of laughter from the older girl, whose shoulders just slump like she’s exhaled all the air out of her body. Yeji sits back on her haunches, running a slender hand through her hair through an incredulous huff. “Right. We’re just friends, after all. Right?”

Ryujin shrugs, satisfied with the response. She leans back into her pillows. “For now.” She smiles serenely, letting her eyes flutter shut in the comfort of Yeji’s apartment so she doesn’t have to see the startled look that inevitably emerges on the older girl’s features.

When she reopens her eyes a few minutes later, Yeji is sitting right in front of her face. Ryujin starts slightly but catches herself in time to stare back into the dark pair of eyes before her.

Yeji doesn’t budge. It’s unusual, because she’s usually always the one to back down first from their little back-and-forths. Ryujin has nowhere to run to this time either, trapped between a wall of pillows and Yeji’s frame in front of her. She’s not sure what to make of this situation.

Yeji is the first one to break their silence. “Hi.”

Ryujin blinks back at her. “Hi. Did I fall asleep?”

“Only for a little bit. You must be tired though- getting up early to drive over.”

Ryujin stretches her arms out in front of her in a poor attempt to put some more space between them. “Ah, sorry. I guess I dozed off.”

It doesn’t work. Yeji only shuffles closer. “You looked really peaceful.”

Ryujin can’t help the words that tumble out of her mouth. She blames it on her post-sleep haze (a part of her knows that she’s in deep shit for Yeji because damn she’s really going at it today and she’s not even had a drink). “Just peaceful?”

Yeji takes the bait, although it’s becoming increasingly obvious that she knows what she’s doing. “And pretty. You looked really pretty too.”

“Sleeping beauty is my alter ego.”

“You’re beautiful, Ryujin. I’ve always thought so.” Ryujin is surprised for the second time that day (or third, if you count the door fiasco from earlier) because it’s really a first that Yeji’s not stopping them from going any further than they usually do. And that she’s not going for Ryujin’s awful pun slash defense mechanism; really, such a shame, Ryujin thinks to herself. _What a waste of pun-ny._

“Were you flirting with me just now, Hwang Yej?”

Yeji doesn’t back down this time. “Have been for the past three months, but thanks for noticing.”

They’re only inches apart now. Yeji’s close enough that Ryujin can feel her body heat through the t-shirts that they’re wearing, her breath quietly brushing over Ryujin’s skin. Yeji isn’t backing down this time, and Ryujin can’t believe that the sudden turn of events is actually making her heart beat much, much faster than it should be in a situation like this.

She doesn’t know what to say, but before she can actually think of something, Yeji’s reached out to trace her jawline with feather-light fingertips. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Ryujin’s nod is almost imperceivable, but Yeji leans in anyway.

It’s soft, demure, but there's a quiet fierceness in the way Yeji holds her jaw in place that speaks to her intentions much more than Ryujin thinks it should. They’re friends- they’ve been friends, and Ryujin was determined to have them stay friends. But she has nowhere to run anymore; has nowhere to hide from the tension that’s been building up between them now, and she feels the full weight of her actions finally catch up to her in this moment.

“Is- is this supposed to be a confession?” Ryujin tries to joke once they separate. Her voice comes out much weaker than she’d wanted it to.

Yeji looks at her with an unreadable expression, head tilted in that innocent way she always does with the corners of her pretty mouth turned up just the slightest bit. “It can be whatever you want it to be.”

Ryujin swallows, unable to meet Yeji’s eyes. “I want it to be whatever you intended it to be.”

Yeji laughs lightly at the characteristic, clever Ryujin-style rebuttal (no matter how weakly it’s uttered). She finally sits back, giving Ryujin the space she desperately needs, to breath.

“In that case, then yes. It was.”

Ryujin’s speechless. Yeji looks at her and Ryujin can’t believe she didn’t see this earlier- didn’t see the fond glimmer in Yeji’s eyes, the constant ‘I-look-for-you-whenever-you’re-around-me’ tilt of Yeji’s entire body that everyone’s apparently picked up on except Ryujin (and likely Yeji herself). The blushes that dust Yeji’s cheeks whenever Ryujin mock-ridicules her for being too cool for her, the constant staring that they always play off as teasing, and the constant backing-down on Yeji’s part when Ryujin makes her ridiculously flirty advances. She never thought they’d end up here.

“I really like you, Ryujin.” Yeji’s soft voice cuts through the silence.

Ryujin swallows thickly. “You- you know how I feel about dating idols.”

Yeji sighs. It's not really a particularly heavy sigh, because she’s obviously already given it some thought, but it’s a sigh nonetheless. “I know.”

At Ryujin’s subsequent silence, Yeji scoots in a little closer. “I just hope you’ll think about it.”

It’s not much, but it's a start. Ryujin nods, running long fingers through shortened pink hair.

“I will.”

Yeji hesitates before saying her next words. “Do- do I stand any chance with you?”

Ryujin doesn’t know how to answer that, so she doesn’t.


	2. all i know is that with you there's something

Yeji hasn’t felt this alive for a very, very long time.

She shouldn’t; the past few weeks have been absolutely hectic for her. Every single day running every single hour- fan signs, rehearsals, dance practice, vocal recordings, photoshoots, interviews, radio appearances, variety show filming- it almost felt like someone in her agency was really out to get her or something. Either way, Yeji’s convinced that someone definitely fucked up her schedule and somehow managed to pack an insane number of items into a much shorter period of time than usually considered appropriate. She makes a mental note to breach the matter at their next team meeting.

For now, she’s ended yet another eighteen-hour workday (commercial shootings can really, really drag out) and all she really wants is to just go to sleep.

She flicks the lights on in her penthouse and locks the door behind her. It’s quiet, as usual; not that she was really expecting anything different. It’s a lovely penthouse she owns (successful idol money can do that for you when you’re living on your own- she supposes it’s one of the only redeeming qualities of her current line of work) but sometimes it feels just a little too big for just her. Sometimes she misses the chaos of twenty-four seven dorming with Chaeryeong and Lia, but they’ve both got family living around Seoul while Yeji’s folks are all the way out in Jeonju, much too far to stay with them while properly managing her daily activities. She supposes it’s for the best- it’s not like the dorms are unavailable to them either and they still stay there when it’s comeback season. They’ve just naturally started to spend more time exploring on their own, becoming their own individuals outside of their celebrity personas. And Yeji’s long decided that learning to live on her own is a good time.

Although, it does get a little lonely sometimes. Especially in a luxurious home like hers with her as its single inhabitant.

She’s all washed up and just about ready to knock out into the next parallel, but her phone chooses that exact moment to start buzzing. She groans, pulling her tired body out of bed to peer at the caller ID (and to think of how to tell them off for calling her at such an hour)

It’s Ryujin. Her eyes light up.

“Hello?” Yeji knows she probably sounds exhausted, voice hoarse and overused, but she’s in too much of a rush to really care.

_“Hi.”_

“Ryujin?” Yeji asks, clearing her throat as best as she can. She hates how she can’t seem to help the hopeful timbre that inevitably tints her voice.

_“What’s up?”_ It’s a light question, and Yeji hears some soft scuffling on the other side, but she couldn’t care less because suddenly, she’s feeling much more awake.

“You remembered.” She says with what she knows is a dopey grin on her face. She’s just grateful that Ryujin can’t actually see her right now.

_“To call you? Of course.”_

Yeji takes her phone and settles back onto her bed, sitting up and playing with the hem of her sheets as she smiles softly down at her hands. “How did it go?”

There’s a pause on the other end. Yeji can practically see the pensive look on Ryujin’s face as she waits for a response. _“I think it was alright. My interview was longer than everyone else’s, although I’m honestly not sure what that means.”_

Yeji can hear the slight uncertainty in Ryujin’s soft, low voice. She wants nothing more than to chase it all away. “I’m sure you did fine. They definitely loved you.”

She hears Ryujin laugh in the softest way before the younger girl speaks again. _“I hope so. Well, you should get to sleep soon, okay?”_

Yeji’s eyes widen. “No! I haven't seen you all week- you’re just going to hang up on me like this?!”

She knows she’s thrown all semblance of whatever cool charm she’s had over Ryujin right out the window with that one statement, but she’s so tired and stressed and talking to Ryujin makes it so much better that she can’t find it in herself to care, even a little bit. She hears Ryujin’s laughter filter through the phone, probably at her desperation, but Yeji just doesn’t care anymore.

_“Yeji, you sound exhausted."_ Ryujin replies bluntly when she’s done laughing. Yeji groans, which elicits another small laugh from the other end.

“It’s not that bad. You’ve been busy too, haven’t you?” Her voice grows softer, fonder at the end and there’s this weird part of her that just wishes she could see Ryujin right now.

_“I’ll be alright after a good night's sleep. All my classes for tomorrow are canceled because of the weather, so I can sleep in.”_

For some reason, this makes Yeji feel a little bit lighter. “That’s good.” She replies. She’s trying her best to sound friendly, like she normally does, but even she’s aware that there’s something else in her voice that has suspiciously to do with the fact that she really, really wants to see Ryujin right now.

She tries to shake the feeling off. “I won’t be busy tomorrow either, seeing as they’ve lined up my agenda nonstop for the past four weeks.”

She breathes a quiet sigh of relief as Ryujin chuckles. It’s an attempt to get back to normal, salty Yeji- she likes to think that it’s worked. Ryujin’s voice is good-humored over the phone. _“Want me to come over?”_

Yeji glances at the storm raging outside her window. “Now??”

_“No way.”_ Ryujin replies dryly. _"Tomorrow, if the weather gets any better,”_

The words fall out before Yeji can stop them. “Of course!” She blushes, despite herself. “But only if the roads are safe, okay? I don’t want you getting into any accidents.”

Ryujin just hums. _“Yeah, I know. Get some sleep, Yej.”_

Yeji laughs and it’s soft, sleepy, but mostly soft. “Sleep tight and don’t worry about the interview- I’m sure you nailed it.” A strange kind of affection presses against the corners of her heart. Ryujin hangs up on her after, but it only makes her heart swell just a little bit larger.

Yeji sighs as she puts her phone down, plugging it back into the wall charger. The wind continues to howl, the snow battering her windows. It shows no signs of letting up soon, so she forgoes her alarm and just goes to get some desperately-needed sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When she next opens her eyes, it's because of the knocking at her door.

It take a bit of time for her to crack her eyes open though. _“Ugh.”_

The knocking persists. She groans, blindly smacks at her nightstand for her glasses (she really can’t see much without them, or some alternative) and rolls out of her comfortable sheets not bothering with a shirt to cover her sports bra-clad torso.

She yanks the door open, grumpy as one can be. “Hello- oh."

What follows next is one of the most embarrassing moments Yeji thinks she’s ever experienced. Ryujin looks like she’s trying much too hard to hold in her laughter, standing there staring at Yeji with that _look_ on her face but she doesn’t actually say anything and that just makes it worse. It takes a couple of moments, before Yeji finally realizes what is happening. A). Ryujin is here- i’s like some telepathic deity has answered all of Yeji’s unspoken wishes and brought her here without deeming it necessary to warn. B). Yeji is quite underdressed. C). She’s underdressed in Ryujin’s presence and Ryujin looks like she’s going to burst out laughing any second now.

Yeji is mortified.

_“Eek!”_

Before her conscious judgement can react, she’s slammed the door right in Ryujin’s face. She catches a brief glance of Ryujin’s startled expression before it’s replaced by the polished wood of Yeji’s front door. Yeji’s body moves on autopilot; she flies back to her room to grab a shirt, jumps into her slippers, haphazardly shoves her contacts in her eyes, and smooths out her hair while stumbling back to the door. She yanks it open again.

Ryujin is still standing there, looking quite startled. Yeji can’t meet her eyes.

“Hi.”

She doesn’t dare look up, but Ryujin returns the greeting anyway. “Hi.”

Yeji finally looks up to stare at Ryujin’s amused expression. It takes her a little moment (again) to notice Ryujin’s scarf, large jacket, and fur-lined hood; she must’ve come through the snow to get here. Yeji hastily steps aside. “Co- come in.”

Ryujin steps inside and Yeji closes the door behind her. She can’t help the staring that ensues, as she watches Ryujin bend down to unlace her boots and line them up neatly at the door.

Ryujin looks up, a smile quirking on her lips as she appraises Yeji. “Did you forget our conversation last night?”

Yeji feels like she can’t find the words to properly express herself It’s another bout of her happy loss for words, she knows, but she can’t help it. “I- I didn’t think you would actually come.”

Ryujin starts to take off her jacket so Yeji tries to snap out of her amazed staring by taking it off Ryujin’s hands to hang in the coat closet. Ryujin just looks up at her with a small smile.

“Hey, you.” She settles for the simple greeting. Yeji grins as she reaches out to pull Ryujin’s smaller frame into a hug.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I slept in because I didn’t think the snow would let up anytime soon.”

Ryujin just hums. “It’s fine." Her breath lands lightly on Yeji’s skin, causing goosebumps to erect on the taller girl’s arms. Yeji leads them to the couch, where there are masses of blankets and pillows lying around (because how else is Yeji supposed to comfortably watch TV, duh) . She grabs a luxurious grey throw blanket she’d received recently as a party favor from a Louis Vuitton photoshoot she did the other day and drapes it over Ryujin’s shoulders before straightening back up.

“Have you eaten? It’s still pretty early.” She’s already heading to the kitchen because she’s pretty sure she knows the answer to that question. Ryujin rarely eats breakfast. Why, Yeji doesn’t know- something about “mind over matter”. Ryujin’s always been quirky in that sense.

“Are you making something?” Ryujin asks as she rests her chin on the back of the couch to watch Yeji move about.

“Yeah, what do you want?” Yeji calls over her shoulder as she ties her hair back, facing the interior of her fridge.

Ryujin hums softly. “Anything you've got is fine with me.”

Yeji doesn’t respond, just smiles at her from the open-concept kitchen, and gets to work. She’s only got so many things in her kitchen, but she finds a box of blueberries and enough eggs to make blueberry french toast and coffee (Yeji’s personally a tea person, but she knows how much Ryujin loves her coffee). Twenty minutes proves enough for Yeji to whip up a quick meal. She plates some toast and pours some coffee, then goes to set the plate before Ryujin, careful not to spill anything.

“Here.” Ryujin takes the utensils from her, looking up appreciatively, and they both tuck in without bothering to move to the kitchen table. They eat in silence- Ryujin looks perfectly comfortable with their current arrangement, but Yeji can’t help herself.

“I’m sorry for earlier.”

Ryujin stops eating for a moment to stare at her. “For what?”

Yeji can feel her neck starting to flush. “That you had to see that earlier…”

“Oh.” Ryujin finally seems to remember. Yeji watches her pause, just for the briefest moment, looking anywhere but Yeji before speaking again. “Don’t worry about it.”

Yeji isn’t assured. “I’m really sorry. I’m not usually such a mess.” She says, unable to shake the flustered feeling from the earlier events, and through all of this Ryujin starts to laugh.

Yeji looks up inquisitively at the sound. Ryujin just waves her hand, a small, teasing smile playing at her lips.

“Don’t worry. Not the worst thing to see first thing in the morning.”

Yeji freezes and just kind of stares at her.

_Oh._

A few moments go by where Yeji stops working and Ryujin just kind of lets her malfunction, before Ryujin decides to settle for a light snicker.

“Don’t think too much about it."

That doesn’t help. Yeji faintly thinks that at this rate, her blush will permanently etch onto her complexion. 

“Um- I-“

“The toast is fantastic. What'd you put on it?” Ryujin cuts her off, smoothly changing the subject into something simpler. Yeji doesn’t know whether she should laugh or cry.

She decides to take the bait. "Ah, just some eggs and the brown powdery stuff Chaeryeong left here the other day. To be honest, I’m not much of a cook but this was surprisingly easy to make once I really got started…”

She’s rambling now and she's aware of it, but she can’t help it. Ryujin doesn’t say anything significant, just nods and hums at the appropriate moments between bites of toast and sips of coffee. Yeji’s pretty sure Ryujin’s stopped listening to her monologue about toast-making a long time ago, but she’s much more nervous than she really should be right now and it’s hard to quit her rambling once she gets started. It’s a bad habit; Yeji knows. She’s working on it.

“…but to be honest, I don’t know much about coffee in the first place- I usually go to Chaeryeong for those kinds of things. She definitely knows her coffee. Have you ever tried one of her pumpkin spice lattes?”

Ryujin doesn’t answer, just stares off into space. It confirms Yeji’s suspicions about her lack of active listening. “Ryujin?”

That snaps the pink-haired girl out of it. She blinks, looking up at Yeji. “Hm?”

Normally, she would never let Ryujin get away with spacing out in the middle of a conversation, but for some reason she thinks she’ll let it slide this time. “I asked if you’ve ever tried Chaeryeong’s pumpkin spice lattes.”

Ryujin ‘ahs’ appropriately, nodding sagely as if she’d totally been paying attention to everything that’s been discussed in the past few minutes. Yeji resists the urge to roll her eyes at the girl’s poor cover-up. “I actually have. She made me one before my midterm last week.”

For some reason, the newfound knowledge doesn’t sit quite the way Yeji would like it to. She tilts her head. “She did?”

“Yeah. I took a picture to commemorate.”

Yeji can’t help her schooled expression. “You’re lucky. Chaeryeong doesn’t cook for just anyone, you know.”

“I wouldn’t really call that cooking.”

Ryujin’s witty sarcasm somehow only serves to aggravate her nerves more. “You and Chaeryeong have gotten pretty close then.” She gets it out through clenched teeth. 

Ryujin just shrugs lightly. "Yeah, I guess so. I think she likes me.”

Yeji feels her blood pressure rise.

“Although, I don’t think it's the same kind of ‘like’ that you’ve got in your head over there.” Ryujin amends hastily, waving a hand in front of her. She looks a little more sheepish now- Yeji knows she’s beginning to act unreasonably but she just can’t help it.

“You’re lucky, you know. Chaeryeong hates almost everyone.”

Ryujin chuckles dryly. “I’m aware." She drawls languidly, leaning back into Yeji’s pile of pillows.

She knows she’s acting unreasonably. Ryuijin can hang out with whoever she wants- so why is this particular conversation grating her so badly in the wrong direction?

When she doesn’t say anything, Ryujin leans forward to appraise her. She looks a little surprised, kind of intrigued, and disbelieving.

“Hwang Yeddong, are you jealous?"

Yeji’s eyes snap back up and lock with hers. “What??”

“Are you jealous?” Ryujin repeats it, a little louder and a little slower (Yeji knows that Ryujin’s doing it on purpose- the nerve of that little devil).

She grits her teeth. “Of what? You and Chaeryeong?”

“Yeah.” Ryujin just stares at her, sitting cross-legged and poker-faced fully facing Yeji.

The words come out (again) before she can stop herself- but she’s tired of waiting. “What if I am?”

Ryujin blinks. She looks taken aback for the briefest second, before her facial features morph back into her signature poker face. “You have no reason to be jealous.”

Yeji can’t help the short bark of laughter that escapes her. _Right_. She and Ryujin are just friends. She has no reason to dictate who Ryujin chooses to spend her time with. No reason to choose Ryujin’s friends for her.

“Right. We’re just friends, after all. Right?”

Ryujin just shrugs. “For now."

Yeji can’t help the staring that ensues.

Ryujin misses it all though, because she’s leaned back into Yeji’s pillows with a satisfied smile and her hands folded over her stomach, eyes closing shut as she settles into the fluffy mound.

There’s something in Yeji’s heart that keeps reaching. There’s something in her heart that breathes, pulses when Ryujin’s around. It’s almost frightening when she realizes that her heart is starting to force her to finally acknowledge an old truth inside her that she’s known ever since Ryujin crashed into her life four months ago.

She decides that maybe, just maybe, it’s time to face the music.

When Ryujin opens her eyes a few minutes later, Yeji is sitting right in front of her face. She knows Ryujin’s s little startled, but she regains her composure quickly (quicker than Yeji ever could) and just stares back into Yeji’s eyes in front of her.

Yeji forces herself to stay still. "Hi.”

Ryujin blinks back at her. "Hi. Did I fall asleep?”

“Only for a bit.” Yeji confirms. "You must be tired though- getting up early to drive over.

Ryujin stretches her arms out in front of her and yawns. It’s cute. “Ah, sorry. I guess I dozed off.”

Yeji steels herself and shuffles a little closer. “You looked really peaceful.”

“Just peaceful?”

Ryujin’s playing with her again and she knows it, but this time she forces herself to just stay still. “And pretty. You looked really pretty too.”

“Sleeping beauty is my alter ego."

It’s another attempt from Ryujin to play all this off as a joke. Yeji knows it is- knows what the younger girl is defaulting to, but this time she doesn’t give in.

“You’re beautiful, Ryujin. I've always thought so.”

Ryujin blinks, properly taken aback. Yeji doesn’t move.

“Were you flirting with me just now, Hwang Yej?”

Yeji doesn’t fall for the deflects. "Have been for the past three months, but thanks for noticing.”

They’re only inches apart now. Yeji's close enough that she can feel Ryujin’s body heat through their t-shirts, can hear Ryujin’s breathing as she moves in closer. Yeji isn’t backing down this time because she’s tired of running, tired of letting herself default away from the reality of her heart. She lets her fingers trace Ryujin’s cut jawline with a feather-light touch.

“Can I kiss you?”

Ryujin’s nod is almost imperceivable, but a nod is a nod and Yeji leans in.

(Kissing Ryujin is everything she didn’t know she longed for. Everything.)

Ryujin looks uncharacteristically nervous once they separate. “Is- is this supposed to be a confession?”

Yeji knows it’s another joke, but she just tilts her head and allows the corners of her lips to curve upwards just a bit. “It can be whatever you want it to be.”

Ryujin doesn’t meet her eyes. "I want it to be whatever you intended it to be.”

Ryujin’s always been the smarter between them (Yeji supposes it has to do with the fact that Ryujin’s a university student and not an idol like herself) but her quick wit is something Yeji’s always found fascinating. She gives kudos to the younger in her head as she settles for a light laugh and finally sits back to allow Ryujin some space.

“In that case, then yes. It was."

For once, Ryujin seems to be speechless. It’s a first, in the time that Yeji’s known her at least. Ryujin looks like her mind is running a thousand miles a minute, but Yeji just wants her to understand.

“I really like you, Ryujin."

She can see Ryujin’s throat bob slightly as she swallows. “You- you know I feel about dating idols.”

Yeji does know- but it doesn't cushion her sinking heart. “I know.”

Ryujin is silent. Yeji just looks at her, wondering if any of this was the right thing to do.

“I just hope you’ll think about it.”

Ryujin stares at the floor. "I will."

Yeji almost doesn’t say her next words because she doesn’t think she wants to know the answer.

“Do I stand any chance with you?"

Ryujin doesn’t answer.


	3. epilogue: we're only twenty something

“Hello there, my darling.”

Ryujin looks up, thoroughly unimpressed as Chaeryeong sails into her room, does a perfect pirouette, and falls backwards onto her bed with all the grace of an amateur elephant ballerina. 

“Hi Ryeong.” She replies absently before returning her focus back to the paper in front of her. Chaeryeong is undeterred by her attitude.

“So I wanted to tell you that I was talking to Yeji today.”

“Obviously. You live and breathe together.” Ryujin snickers under her breath, casting a side glance at the indignant look on her friend’s otherwise pretty face.

“Shut up, Shin.” Chaeryeong scowls. “Anyway, she may or may not have mentioned you more than a couple times with stars in her eyes and I think you need to seriously take this into consideration.”

Ryujin hums noncommittally. “Consideration for what?” She asks lightly, although she feels a strange sense of deja vu creeping up her spine.

“Consideration for that other little conversation we had some time ago.” Chaeryeong replies airily, turning onto her stomach to look at Ryujin with a knowing grin. “You two practically are dating anyway.”

Ryujin sighs. _She knew this conversation would be coming_. “Don’t think I’m serious about any of this. She’s way out of my league.” 

“……”

“……….”

“Are you kidding?” Chaeryeong arches an eyebrow. Her large eyes look like they’re trying to bore new foramen into Ryujin’s forehead.

Ryujin just shrugs helplessly. “No, I’m not. I think she’s really pretty and I’m fairly sure I like her, but I don’t think she likes me the same way. And it’s not like I’m gonna ask her out or anything. I’d like to live, thank you.” She puts down her pen to look at her companion amusedly.

Chaeryeong groans, flopping face-down into Ryujin’s pillow. Her head practically disappears in the process. “Oh my goodness.”

“What?”

“You are as dense as a rock.”

Ryujin feels slightly offended. “Rude. I’m the uni student here, not you.”

Chaeryeong looks up with an absolutely desolate look on her face. "It's because you're so _blind_ and you don't see the people _throwing_ themselves at you and lining up to ask you out and you _still_ think Yeji’s out of your league and _you_ think she doesn't like you like that when all she does is stare and stare and _staaaaaare_ at you and all she talks about is you you _yoou_ DO YOU UNDERSTAND NOW SHIN RYUJIN, DO YOU?"

Ryujin blinks in alarm. Chaeryeong stares at her intensely, waits for her friend’s revelation in bated anticipation.

"I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."

_Idiot_. Chaeryeong smashes her face back into the pillow with a mighty scream. Ryujin watches in mild fascination, still wondering what the initial purpose of this conversation was supposed to be. She wonders if it would be a good time to ask, but Chaeryeong hasn’t stopped screaming so she decides to save it; unfortunately for Ryujin, Chaeryeong has professionally-trained vocal cords. The screaming will probably last longer than it would otherwise, so Ryujin reclines into her seat and taps idly through her emails as she waits.

Chaeryeong runs out of breath after five minutes. Ryujin glances at the timer on her phone. _Impressive_.

She looks back up at the idol squatting on her bed. Chaeryeong has already composed herself enough to move on to her next thought. She clears her throat and sits up straight, hands in her lap like a proper lady as she addresses Ryujin again.

“Ryujin, I understand if you don't like her enough to date her but I _certainly_ will never understand if you think you're not enough for her or something stupid like that." Chaeryeong voices this thought the same way she would if she were speaking to a five year old; patient and slow, purposely to rub Ryujin the wrong way. "Have you seen how jealous she gets when other people flirt with you? It's scary! Scarier than you during finals week!"

“Stop making up stories. First of all, I’m perfectly kind at all times of the year, including finals week. Second of all, I don’t appreciate your tone of voice with me, young lady. Third of all, no one’s ever flirting with me. Please don’t spread slander in my house.”

Chaeryeong snickers lightly. “Then what about all those idol who keep asking me to get them your number because they see you in my stories-“

“Again, stop with the slander.” Ryujin fixes her with a firm glare. Chaeryeong just breaks into peals of laughter.

“You should let me give it to them.”

“Hush, my child.”

Chaeryeong's lips are still pulled in that extremely wide smile. “Then at least let me say I’m withholding for Yeji’s sake.”

“Would that be weird? I’ve never been attracted to someone like her before.” Ryujin ignores the jab-masking-the-truth and looks pensively at the diagram laying before her. “ _Which one initiates blood clotting again…_?"

"Why not? Yeji's tall, nice, hot, smart, talented, rich… what's not to like?"

Ryujin has to laugh at the uncharacteristic praise Chaeryeong showers on the other girl in front of Ryujin. _A true friend_ , she thinks fondly. “Well, she has a completely different lifestyle than mine. I have to consider these things you know?"

Chaeryeong sits up to stare at her curiously. "Well so do I, but we're still sitting here talking."

"I'm not intent on dating you." Ryujin snickers at the offended look on Chaeryeong’s face before both break out in giggles.

"Seriously though." Chaeryeong looks at her as they recover. ”Do you know what it's like to see your best friend - confident, cool, on top of everything- turn into a stuttering red mess just because of a- no offense Ryu- a random girl? I'm not trying to sell her, or push you- but I really don't think you understand how much she likes you."

Ryujin looks down. "Well I guess I don't, according to your standards. I'm not very observant, in case you haven't noticed." Chaeryeong scoffs in full agreement at that. "And I'm also a little distracted these days. I have a lot to think about and I don't even know if I want a relationship right now. Much less with a celebrity who’s so popular.”

Chaeryeong pauses in a pensive moment.

"Liar."

Ryujin looks over, offended.

"Sorry sorry. In all seriousness though, I still think you should think about it."

She can only shrug. “There's not much to think about.”

“You seem confused. You don't know if she's worth it." Chaeryeong continues with surprising insight. Ryujin would never say it aloud, but she’s kind of impressed.

Ryujin shakes her head as nonchalantly as she can, despite her apparent transparency. "But we're not at that point. I haven't really thought that far ahead."

Chaeryeong hums softly. “Well, I get that. It’s understandable- I mean, I guess it wouldn’t be a small thing for anyone. As Yeji’s soul sister, I appreciate that you’re not taking this lightly- but as _your_ friend, I wish that you wouldn’t be afraid to go for the things that make you happy.”

Ryujin stays silent. Chaeryeong gets up. “At least try to figure out how you really feel about her. I'm gonna go- I have a recording soon. But don't lose sleep over this, okay? I’ll see you later.” She smiles encouragingly at Ryujin, and pauses before disappearing out the door.

“By the way, she’s texted me asking me where you were. You should probably reply to her before she goes and figures it out herself, then comes to take my head off.”

Ryujin rolls her eyes with a small smile and just turns back to her homework. Her phone sits on her bed, untouched.


End file.
